Monday, August 30, 2004
OUTBREAK SPOTTED IN
FLOOD DROWNS IN OWN SORROW
“Let’s get it on” screamed Flood rookie Libby “Buy me a” Diamond, to start the ill-fated game.
The Flood rallied to an early lead in the top of the 1st inning, thanks in part to spectacular hitting by Steve “Jenny Finch” Thompson, Lance “Lisa Fernandez” Leggitt, Jordan “move up, move up” Paulson, Deb “I make it to games when it counts the most” Parkinson, and Bert “Timely press releases is my middle name” English.
Unfortunately for the Flood, games don’t typically end after the top of the 1st inning; the Licensed to IL rallied for a handful of runs as the result of well-placed singles and a long homerun to the National Archives by Brian “I’m really tall” The Firstbaseman.
The Flood rallied back with solid fielding by Erskine “Yankee’s Suck” Wells, turning two double plays, and by J. Paulson with a spectacular diving catch in left field, helping to stem the bleeding of runs by the Licensed.
Thanks to the great defensive prowess—the likeness I have not seen since the days of a young Cassius Clay, the Flood trailed by no more than 4 runs at any time throughout the game, and pulled within 2 in the top of the sixth, trailing 13-11. Short on daylight and with the stadium lights on the fritz, the Flood worked frantically to hold the Licensed scoreless.
Heading into the bottom of the sixth, after the fourth Licensed run scored it became apparent to everyone, including the two sweat-covered girls in matching jogging attire with opposite colored black and white shirts delicately prancing behind the Licensed’s bench who were in no way a distraction, that the Fates had cut the thread holding the Flood afloat.
A three run rally in the top of the seventh wasn’t enough for the Flood to survive. Speculations as to the Flood’s demise abound.
“The biggest change of the season was that we only consumed three beers over the course of 2 hours” stated veteran designated hitter Swole “Magnum, P.I.” Baird. “That is totally unacceptable and I expect to see a change by Saturday.”
“I couldn’t agree with [Swole] more if I had to and I don’t have to, so I guess I agree with him completely,” stammered Adam “185 systolic/100 diastolic” Paulson. “On Saturday, we’ll have beer to complement our Gatorade and possibly even a showing of the Captain for Meghan [“I kicked Whitey’s ass” Curran].
Thanks for a great regular season and I’ll see everyone tomorrow. Directions and updates will follow.
Monday, May 24, 2004
“Win at any cost” attitude pays off
(Washington, DC - The Mall) - In a surprising late afternoon phone call, the Mighty New Rage Mastadons handed the Flood their second victory, snapping a three game losing streak, in a 3 - -1 forfeit.
[Editors Note: Technically speaking, they emailed their notice of insufficient players at 12:58pm, beating the 1pm deadline by 2 minutes, but we are still going to try for a forfeit and see if they protest it…]
“I knew they couldn’t handle the mighty fury that is The Flood!” exclaimed Assistant Coach Ryan “Bartles & James” Travis. “Give me $400 and slap my ass, ‘cause that’s the only action they are seeing tonight.”
The Flood celebrated their new victory and Travis’ words of wisdom in a new post-game venue, Jay’s Saloon in Arlington, Virginia. Jay’s Saloon was welcoming to the Flood representatives, offering an open patio, good cheap food, even cheaper beer, and friendly service from Jay himself.
“This new bar certainly rings my bell,” stated Michelle “Washingtonienne” Barlow.
“To The Flood” responded Flood Outfielder Erskine “Mad Dog 20/20” Wells in celebratory toast.
The Flood also welcomed back law student and veteran Shortstop Chris “I was never burned in effigy when I was coach” Jackson for some refreshments and lively tales.
Veteran Redhead and Assistant Cheerleader Blair “I’m all Thumbs” Westbrook retorted “you probably had more beer in the past as well” in an obvious reference to the great dearth of beer in last week’s game, marking the first time in three years the Flood ran out of beer before the game even started.
English Professor and Modern Etymologist Swole “I like 'em 5’2, 180 lbs” Baird explained that “dearth”, from the Old English deorthu, is a “scarcity or lacking and generally refers to food or other necessities”. Baird further explained, “I would heartily agree with Ms. Westbrook’s analysis and general correlation of beer to a precious life source, harkening only for her inclusion of chicken wings within her future analogies.”
Nonetheless, her harsh words were not to be clouded by beers or wings, which were easily obtained at reasonable discounted prices from Jay’s Saloon, conveniently located 2 blocks from a metro station.
With this win and celebration, the Flood climb to 111 in the Congressional Softball League standings with a 2-3 record overall. When asked to comment on the recent victory, Coach Adam “are you pooping” Paulson was too choked up for words. All he could muster was a simple “Flood”.
Next Game is against our fierce rivals The Natural Disasters on Thursday, May 27. Current pre-game plans are for Bocce, horseshoes, and drinking on the mall starting at noon. Its recess, come join us.
Flood Outing/BBQ (FloodFest 3) is scheduled at Quincy Park in Arlington (across from Gene’s House) on Memorial Day, Monday May 31, starting at noon. Softball, volleyball, drinking, and other sporting events are scheduled. Please contact Ryan Travis to rsvp, or Jennifer Biggy to coordinate bringing something.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Please let me know if you are planning to attend so we have an accurate player/drinker tally.
Directions to Field:
DIRECTIONS TO HOME FIELD OF NEW RAGE MASTODONS:
ANACOSTIA PARK, FIELD NO. 3 (Near 11th St. Bridge on Anacostia Drive)
From Capitol Hill, Virginia, or Downtown D.C.: Take Southeast Expressway (Rt. 395) east, and stay in one of the right two lanes after passing the 6th St. S.E. exit; Take Exit marked Martin Luther King, Jr., Drive/295 across the 11th St. Bridge. Stay in second lane from left on bridge and watch for Anacostia Park Exit sign. Turn right at the bottom of the exit ramp and go to river. Take a right on Anacostia Drive. Pass under bridge and proceed for about a fifth of a mile. Field is the one with the backstop closest to the road.
AccuBert update: sunny and 80 degrees. Of Note: There are several storm fronts moving across the nation, so this remains fluid, to borrow a phrase from Kyle. I'll update as warranted.
Friday, May 14, 2004
(Washington, DC - The Mall) - After stemming the flow of illegal cicadas into the United States, the fearsome North State Flood feel deeper in the Congressional Softball League standings after a crushing 19 - 13 defeat at the hands of the HIR Infomaniacs.
“You know how it is with these tech guys”, stated Eric “Rolendorfer” McGlothlin, “they have been scouting us for weeks to exploit any weakness we may have.”
“I’m releasing a virus on my network tomorrow,” exclaimed Lise “Reddenbacher” Lynam. “Let’s see them defeat that under the cover of darkness”, an obvious reference to the late inning runs scored by the Infomaniacs.
After consuming all the beer during the pre-game warm-ups, the Flood jumped out to an early 4-3 lead after 2, thanks to the hard hitting of Greg “Cougar” Rodriguez, Coach Bert “Merlin” English, Shimmy “Goose” Stein, and Deputy Assistant Alternate Head Coach Lance “Sundown” Leggitt.
The Tech Warriors quickly answered with 2 runs of their own in the 3rd and three more in the 4th innings, However, the Flood held strong with four more runs through the 4th, thanks in part to tough bats by Dave “Slider” Abrams, Deputy Assistant Coach Ryan “Jester” Travis, Leggitt, Rodriguez, and Steve “Wolfman” Thompson.
“Who would have thought a bunch of computer [experts] who still play dungeons and dragons and live in their parent’s basement would be able to handle the sheer awesome power of The Flood?” inquired Janet “Viper” Worthington.
“Who indeed. Who indeed,” responded Erin “Ghostrider” Sanford.
The Anti-Luddite’s then began to follow the telegraphed blueprint for certain Flood destruction, by exhibiting awesome defensive prowess, while simultaneously exploding in offense, resulting in a comfortable, yet not insurmountable, 10 run lead, fifteen minutes after sunset.
While the Flood valiantly answered back with a 4 run rally from four singles and a Rodrigo Homer-his second of the evening-the Flood fell 6 runs short to end the game.
With this loss, the Flood drop to 1-3 and 90th in the League Standings. On a statistical side note, we have lost more games in the last 2 weeks than we have in the last two regular seasons combined; and we have scored fewer runs in the last 3 games than we have scored in any single game in the last 3 seasons. We have a tough schedule this year and have suffered through some missing players, so please don’t get discouraged, keep drinking, and continue to have fun!
Special thanks to Jeff “Rowengartner” Valuck for braving the 90 degree weather to squat a field, to My Brother’s Place for having at least 130 wings this week (obviously Swole wasn’t there with us), and to the new faces for coming out of the woodwork to play. Tonight’s game was brought to you by the letter “E” and the number “4”.
Bert’s Defensive Play of the Game-Greg’s diving catch in the top of the 4th inning, holding the Error 404’s to only 3 runs that inning.
Next Game is Thursday, May 20th at 6:30pm in Anacostia on a permitted field vs. the New Rage Mastadons (House Rules Committee). We will have more beer and will be enforcing the Funnel rule.
Friday, May 07, 2004
Coach Paulson burned in effigy
(Washington DC—The Mall) — Amid celebrations for the World War II commemoration ceremony, puddles the size of cars in the infield and outfield, and a couple “reading poetry” underneath a blanket in 80 degree weather, the Flood rallied and ultimately fell short to the #1 ranked Vito Power, by a score of 16-13.
“I can safely say that there is a good chance that we would have won had I been there”, stated Coach Adam “Soccer is more important than Softball” Paulson. “Even though I realize that according to Flood Policy I can not start the next game after missing a game, I will certainly make sure that I am there on Monday and will do my requisite pushups.”
The Flood jumped out to an early 5-1 lead in the first inning, thanks to solid base hitting from rookie Shimmy “wait for your pitch” Stein, Jordan “I’m the more devoted” Paulson, a 2RBI Homer from Flood newcomer Erskine “I’m your daddy” Wells, and a 2RBI double from Lance “ok, back up and move to the right, now to the left, this guy hits to your right, back up some more” Leggit.
Providing proof of their 1st place ranking, the Vito Power stepped up their defense with solid pitching from Otto “Just a Friend” Matica and tremendous defensive prowess by Holly “Baby on Board”, while responding with some firepower of their own, ending the 4th inning in a 6-6 tie. “Fahgetabout it,” said Vito Power FirstBaseman Stone Cold “what do you mean I look like a guy who dresses in tights and hugs other men until they give up” Austin.
“We can rally and win this!” exclaimed Veteran Flood Secondbasewoman Lise “damn that girl is fast” Lynam. How wrong Lynam could be was unclear at that moment.
In the 4th inning, Herger Intern Matt “the shortest distance between two points is a straight line” Joens, while listening to the stellar base coaching advice of Ryan “I thought I was banned from coaching 1st base” Travis and ran, not to second base as is prescribed in the rules of softball, but rather to a clump of dirt and wood near the pitcher’s mound, resulting in a tough double play to end the inning.
As the Flood rallied in the late innings, the Vito Power had their mob contacts working overtime. Flood entered the 7th inning trailing by seven runs. Doubles by Greg “G-Rod” Rodriguez and Eric “Bert isn’t in charge of lineups anymore” McGlothlin, singles by Kristen “We will miss you” Steinke, Paulson, Meghan “Wings” Curran, and Leggit resulted in the Flood batting around, for 4 runs, 2 men on base and the tying run at the plate. It wasn’t meant to be.
With this loss, the North State Flood drop to 1-1, tied for 29th place. Great game, lots of fun had by all. We increased our drinking quota and will certainly require a bigger cooler for the future. While this marked Lance’s first loss in two years, we still had a great time. Defensive catch of the game goes to Greg for his bobbling catch in Right Field; the almost defensive play of the game goes to Matt “onion tosser” Lakin for his near catch off the park bench. Worst play of the day goes to My Brother’s Place for not having wings, especially after their cook entered into an oral contract with Lynam, promising sufficient quantities of wings.
Next game is Monday against O’Doyle Rules. Field locations and final details will be sent on Monday.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Adam reminded me to remind folks to bring $20 for the season for beer, jerseys, Iced Tea's, and the "Bert is out of a job in January" Fund. Checks can be made out to North State Flood. Yes, we have a checking account for NSF. Yes, I realize that makes us softball dorks, but at least we're organized.
Sr. Exercise Team Leader Lise "Stretch" Lynam will be leading us in pre-game calisthenics between 6-6:15. Game time scheduled for 6:30pm.
AccuBert: Damn Sunny.