Monday, July 28, 2003

Sorry for the delay--apparantly some wise-acre scheduled some appropriation bills today...

Flood Messes with Texas

(Washington-DC - Anacostia) - The North State Flood triumphed in a thrilling victory over Rep. Joe Barton’s Texas Republic, 27 - 7, in what proved to be an offensive focused game. The Flood advances to #4 in the Congressional Softball Rankings with an overall record of 11 - 1, while the Texas Republic slipped to #105.

“Bey-atches done shizzled on my biznizzle,” stated Flood shortstop/centerfielder/2nd Basemen/Utility Player Kristen “Puffy” Steinke, while standing next to her brand new tricked out Kowasaki Ninja 500RR with extended chrome piping, bass boost, and neon racing lights. She further elaborated, “I do what I want.”

“I have no clue what she just said,” responded Flood hurler Lance “My name is not ‘Nate’” Leggitt. “As far as I know, it was a good clean game except for that vicious throw into that poor girl’s back,” referring to a retaliation throw by Intern “the bitch had it coming” John for giving up a hit in the 4th inning, “and the vicious elbows thrown by Eric [“This is still Herger’s team” McGlothlin] against that girl at first base,” an obvious reference to the same girl on the same play.

The Flood rallied behind a leadoff homerun by Jordan “Call me Greg Rodrigo” Paulson to start off the game, pulling ahead 5-0. Solid defensive playing matched their offense and held the Texas Republic scoreless through four innings. The Flood edged out their early lead with back-to-back-to-back homeruns in the third by Chris “Smoove” Jackson, Bert “I love it when you call me Big Poppa” English and Gene “Ice Latte” Glowatch.

“Pour a forty on the plate, ‘cause that ball is dead”, exclaimed Jennifer “Notorious” BIGgy. Veteran All-Star Flood Firstbase Coach Ryan “Tie goes to the Runner” Travis replied “I heartily concur”.

A late game rally on a series and comedy of errors combined with a beautiful homerun to Andrews Air Force Base pulled the Texas Republic to within 20 runs. "I think that homerun bounced off a helicopter. Isn't that considered a ground rule double according to section 21(a) of the ASA's?" inquired Meghan "Jenny from the Block" Curran. Texas Republic Coach Andy "Rob Zell filling in for one game is not an official coup" Black replied, "only if it hits the rotor and causes interference in an upward direction and away from the plate, according to subsection (2) of Section 21(a), but nice try."

However, feeling the heat, the Flood defense decided to hold strong and clinched the final outs of the game. "Woo hoo!" cried Lise "better late than never" Lynam.

Post-game celebration departed from the norm, with a trip to Hooters at Gallery Place. The service was a clear and significant improvement over Dusty at Chammps, with the Flood actually receiving everything they ordered, the check was not wrong multiple times, Paulson was spilled on only once, and the waitresses were wearing orange hot pants and tight white shirts. Alas, it still could not compare to the friendliness of Waitress Jen and ease of parking of My Brother’s Place.

Coach Adam “911 sauce” Paulson’s award for offensive player of the game: Gene Glowatch for hitting 2 Homeruns, while hitting 4-5 with 4 RBI’s. Close follow-up goes to Jordan Paulson for hitting 5-5, with a HR and 2 RBI’s.

Thanks to Texas Republic for a great game and for everyone who trekked out to Anacostia to watch us play and support the FLOOD effort. Next game is against Harry’s Full Disclosure (FEC team) on Thursday, July 31st. Although we are still trying to set up a game for this Tuesday, so keep an ear out. Post Game activities will resume at My Brother’s Place this week.


Thursday, July 24, 2003

Field location:

Due to crowding on the National Mall, Intern John has volunteered to literally camp out there tonight and will be holding the field all morning. It would be a really nice gesture if individuals would volunteer to bring him breakfast and lunch and water periodically. Just kidding. Our opponent has a permit for a field in Anacostia. Yes, Anacostia. I have tried my hardest to avoid playing there all summer and as such this will be our first game and should be our last game there this year.

Directions to field:

Cross the bridge, take the right, take the right, head towards the river. Left at the stopsign. The field is immediately to the right of the large rec center building on the left. Our opponent is the Texas Republic. If anything changes with field location (ie-a different field in Anacostia) I'll let you know. Let's try to get there by 6:30pm, so we can play and come back for another late night of nonsense on the floor. For those who do not have to sit at their computer watching Bernie Sanders offer amendments that are not even close to in order (take for instance tonight, when he offered an amendment to a different bill than the one we are debating and didn't understand the problem), the post-game festivities will be determined at the game. Tentatively plan for My Brother's Place, but like the floor schedule, this is flexible.

AccuBert forecast:

HeadStart reauthorization will be obnoxious and Drug Reimportation will likely lead to at least 10 personal stories of Senior citizens who are someone's constituents who can't afford drugs and have to eat cat food instead of steaks. Oh yeah, we may get some rain in the afternoon.

Friday, July 18, 2003


(WASHINGTON, DC-THE MALL) - Flood faithful fans, players and a women illegally parked in a handicap zone, watched the North State Flood defeat Denny’s Grand Slam in a stunning late-inning finish, 20 - 15.

“Its not often you are able to gavel down the Speaker,” reported Coach Adam “Country Griddle” Paulson, referring to the Denny’s Grand Slam status as the defending League Champions. “But I suppose we scrambled their eggs pretty good.”

Following Flood tradition and jumping to an early seven run lead, thanks in part to a pair of homeruns by Flood leadoff hitter Greg “Shirley Temple with an Umbrella” Rodriguez and Intern “I play much better when I’m not sitting in the sun for six and a half hours” John, sandwiched between solid singles and doubles through the lineup.

Flood defense held the Grand Slam to only 3 runs through 4 innings and to 6 runs through the sixth inning. Yet as the Flood Faithful know too well, softball games still have a seventh inning.

“Grand Slams for a dollar ninety-nine? I’ll order mine to go,” stated Food veteran hurler Lance “knuckleballs are legal according to section 7, subparagraph (a)4” Leggitt, while rounding the bases for his 2 RBI homerun in the 6th inning. Unbeknownst to Leggitt, he lacked the 2 additional RBI’s to qualify for a true grand slam, thus backing his original taunt.”

“Its that damn cowbell that makes me see red,” stated Grand Slam lead-off hitter “Guy in the Grey Shirt”, going 2 for 4 with 2 of the Denny’s 15 runs and starting a 7th inning rally from hell.

After Denny’s scored seven straight runs with no outs and closed to within 5 runs, the Flood’s legendary defense applied the brakes. A pop fly to short put one away in the books, but there was still a runner on base and plenty of daylight left. A solid shot to shortstop appeared to be the downfall. However, with lightning reflexes like a fox stalking an eagle, IJ stops the screaming shot, tosses the rock to Kristen “I’m secure enough in Greg’s masculinity to order a Shirley Temple” Steinke for the force at second. To the amazement of onlookers (with and without cowbells) Steinke tags steps on the base and performs a flying spin throw to FirstBaseman Jason “Rootie Tootie Fresh and Fruity” Brown for the double play to end the inning and the game.

“Do you believe in miracles?” exclaimed Chris “Missing in Action” Jackson while hugging Dan “Tube-a-palooza 23 is my mission in life” MacLean .

Great game to all who came out and supported the Flood. Thanks to Denny’s Grand Slam for playing us on short notice and for grabbing the field. Special thanks to Meghan and Michelle for helping to squat the field mid-day. Thanks to the leaf that stopped that monster crush to rightfield resulting in only a ground-rule double. Thanks to Biggy for keeping such an awesome book-next game you won’t be benched for being too uppity. Special recognition to Swole for being the only guy in Flood history to hit 2 back to back monster homeruns one week and strikeout the next (even though he did go 2 for 3 on the evening).

Paulson’s Awards: Offensive Player of the Game: Greg for 3 HR; 5 for 5, 6 RBI’s 4 Runs and 2 Doubles.
Defensive Player of the Game: Steinke for her stellar fielding, stopping line drive and holding the holes, and for her awesome double play in the 7th.

Worst waiter ever award: Dusty at Champps for his 18% gratuity nonsense, forgetting the 2 samplers (TWICE), missing drinks, screwing up chicken tenders, and giving us the wrong change (TWICE) after we wrote it down for him.
Next game is Thursday, July 31 against some team from Texas. We moved up from #8 to #7 in the rankings.

Reminder-tubing is tomorrow. Meeting at Senate parking lot at 9am. Call Jen if you need more info. Or go here...

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